So - I will be the first to admit that I am NOT good at waiting! I haven't really had to in the past either. We have 3 beautiful home grown children who were pretty easy to come about. The doctors first told us that we might not be able to get pregnant and if we did, it might take a LONG time to get pregnant! Well, 2 weeks later I got real tired and nauseous and was holding a positive pregnancy test...what do doctor's know! All 3 of our beauties came about just as easily! We decided to have a baby....got pregnant within the month....waited our 39 weeks for our planned C-Section....and then had a healthy baby in my arms!
It is easy to say that this journey to our daughter is NOTHING like our journey to our other 3. It is lined with lots of emotion and change and unknown and opening of our eyes and hearts. It has been amazing so far, but not always easy! Requesting an older child, not an infant, we expected to wait a few months but I honestly (maybe naively) didn't think we would wait as long as we have. This last couple weeks my heart has had a heart time with the wait and I couldn't figure out why -- other than the fact that my daughter, that I have fallen soo in love with, is halfway around the world and I've never even seen her face!!
I started counting back to the beginning of this journey, which is almost at a year now, and I realized something! I am FULL TERM! I am used to getting pregnant, carrying my babes to term, and then holding them in my arms and beginning our lives together! Well, we are 6 MONTHS DTE today - but we are 10 MONTHS today from the day that we submitted our application to AWAA's Ethiopia program!! Most women who have been pregnant know that you aren't pregnant for 9 months like everyone makes it out to be - BUT pregnancy is actually 40 Weeks - which averages out to be just shy of 10 MONTHS!! (I know - it was a shocker to me the first time around too - my 9 months came and went and I was still prego!)
Well, the reason my heart has been aching so much lately for my daughter is that I'm FULL TERM!! I have been "pregnant" for 10 months - I've put in my 40 weeks - I am ready to hold my babe in my arms and begin our lives together! Unfortunately, this journey doesn't quite work the same way!
In reality, April 19 - August 19 (Application to DTE) were like our 1st Trimester! I was tired a lot and working hard to get all the paperwork together! The first phase and beginning to our journey!
August 19 - current is like our 2nd Trimester! Life goes on, physically feeling good, going about life waiting for what is to come.
Referral to bringing her home will be the 3rd Trimester - the emotional roller coaster, the feeling of being "done" (If you've ever been pregnant you know what I am talking about), and the Labor Pains! The pain of having to meet our sweet daughter and leave her so very far away. The pain of waiting for other people to process paperwork to bring us together forever.
My husband said that he's thankful for how this "pregnancy" is going. He said based on the crazy hormones that I had during actual pregnancy, this was a breeze! I told him - Just you wait! Wait until I've looked into the eyes of my daughter, held her tight and felt her heart beat against mine, until I have to leave her...talk about crazy hormones!
So today we are 10 Months from officially starting our journey....6 Months from officially being DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia)...??? Months(Prayerfully Hoping for WEEKS) from looking into the eyes of our daughter! We trust that God has us on this journey....we trust that God will sustain our hearts in the wait....we trust that HE has an AMAZING plan in the works! To GOD be the GLORY!
We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands.
~ Kristi Larson ~
~ Kristi Larson ~
Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, You didn't grow under my heart - but in it!
~ Fleur Conkling Heylinger ~