I kicked and fought God for a few days but it did not take long for Him to change my heart from fear of the unknown to Passion and Expectancy for children I had never met - children I never even knew I needed! My heart went from comfortable and content to passionate and hurting - our eyes were opened to a need...a world...that we never really knew existed before! Sure, you see the commercials and you may even send a shoebox at Christmas...but we never really SAW the reality...the reality is we didn't want to see...we didn't want to see OUR PART in it all because it is scary and forces you to stand up and not just move idly along in our complacent lives. My heart started aching for the least of these - God started molding and shaping us to trust Him in ALL aspects of our lives! We went from telling GOD what we were willing to accept to accepting that GOD was in CONTROL! We went from putting limits on God to telling God we were ALL IN - NO MATTER what that looked like!
The thing about following God and choosing to be ALL IN is that there is no going back! The commercials of starving children become a reality when you meet them on the streets in a third world country and see the glimmer of hope in their eyes that has almost gone away. When the kids with no shoes have a name and a favorite color! There is no taking that passion back once God takes you down that road! It is hard to sit at our all you can eat buffets surrounded by excess when the children that now call you "Mama" were once struggling to find food - in the not so distant past!
Our lives have changed over the last TWO years - our hearts have changed - our family has changed - our ideas and passions have changed - and we are SO VERY THANKFUL! What good is being comfortable and content when there is SO much that God has to show you!? What good is needing to be in control when you are missing out on the blessings that GOD has planned for you if you'd only be willing to be broken for His kingdom and trust in HIM to lead the way!?
Throughout our adoption our motto became "ALL IN - No matter what that looks like!" Our expectations changed from what was safe and easy to what GOD had planned - knowing it probably wouldn't be safe or easy! We realized as we went along if we made a prayerful decision and felt God leading us that was enough! If it seemed insane and crazy and scary then it was probably where He was leading us!
We also learned that GOD loves us and knows that I am a detailed person! He knew I would need confirmation and affirmation that He was in this! I LOVED watching God work in our lives and work out ALL the details. One of my most favorite things to do is look back and see how God cared about the LITTLE THINGS! There were so many little things along the way that we can see God's hand and how He tied it all together - confirming that these boys were meant for our family! Today - TWO years ago our lives changed without even expecting it.....TODAY - ONE year ago our lives also changed without EVER expecting it!!! One year from first having that talk in the kitchen - trusting God enough and allowing Him to take us on this crazy ride - I looked into the eyes of my SON for the first time!! I didn't know he was my son at the time - but GOD did! I didn't know how he would change our lives - but GOD did! I didn't know that MANY other families saw the same sweet face and wondered if he would be theirs! I didn't know that the ache in my gut and the pounding of my heart would not go away until we got the call letting us know that he was ours! He was NOT what we were expecting - but he was EXACTLY what God knew we needed!
Looking back I am SO thankful GOD used this sweet little boy - half a world away - to show us what it means to love....to have compassion....to have joy....to laugh....to see a glimpse into the world that God wants us to see....to see a glimpse into our role in it all - if we are only willing to get out of our own way! SO thankful GOD is continuing to use this sweet little boy to teach us and show us more of His Heart!
If you want to read more about our adoption story and the journey our family has taken over the last two years you should read...
Where we started - HERE
Choosing to be ALL IN - HERE
About that day ONE year ago - HERE
How God is in the Details - HERE
How God used One little boy to Bring Another into our Hearts - HERE
~ With God's Love and Blessings ~
Krohn Family of Seven (and counting...)