Anyone that has been very close at all to an adoption knows that it can be stressful and can come with highs and lows. This week has been an emotional roller coaster! Part of it is my fault - - now that I've met my kids and held them in my arms I want to bring them home SO BADLY!!! Part of my stress and feelings of being overwhelmed is because I am not content in the wait.
Anyone that knows me very well knows that I do not do well when I do not have control. God knew this about me and that is why He has had me wade through adoption paperwork on more than one occasion -- numerous amounts of paperwork that you are relying on OTHER people to complete. Not only to complete but to complete correctly - - and in a timely manner - - and as if people's lives depend on it...because they DO!!! People's lives depend on each little signature and each little form filled out when you are working on an adoption - - and to be the one who's life is affected and have no control!!! Now you see where my worry and stress comes in - - I recognize that this is something I struggle with and have learned to turn it over to God. Oddly enough though - my turning it over to God looks an awful lot like a toddler pleading and begging for a cookie at bedtime. It starts with pretty pleases and an innocent angelic face - - then it turns into angry stamping and saying "I want" - - then at the most dire of times (like today) it turns in to full on sobs and pleading with God for some sort of direction.
Many of you have been praying over the last couple days for our paperwork. The last three days have been full of ups and downs in the process. Just when I felt down and out - something would shift and make things seem back on track - only to have something else that happened that seemed to derail us. I got a call yesterday afternoon that stirred up some issues. 24 hours later when I got a call this afternoon from our case worker we still didn't know much - but best case scenario we were set back a week or two having to re-do some paperwork....worse case scenario we were starting OVER from square one (like new fingerprinting, homestudy, the works - - which would have taken months)!
I finally broke down and let the tears fall - - and once they started there wasn't an end in site anytime soon. Hubby was at work - - kids were doing chores and looking at me weird out of the corner of their eye wondering what in the world was wrong with me. I had to drive to a neighboring town (to pick up a library book that was left at our tax appointment - oh joy!) and was thankful for the quiet drive to clear my head and just let the tears fall as I prayed to God and tried to make sense of the possibility of not bringing the kids home for months!! I couldn't wrap my mind around it and my heart was discouraged - - I sang to the christian radio some and cried some and pleaded with God a LOT.
As I pulled into my driveway an email dinged through on my phone - - it was my case worker and she had finally heard back from the person we needed to hear from to know how we needed to proceed......in a brief couple sentence email (that she sent to me after hours when she was already home but knew that I needed to know) all was right in the world and my tears (that had been going now for over an hour) were now tears of relief! They need to simply resubmit the correct form - I'm hoping it only delays us a week or two! This morning - - this is the delay that I DID NOT want!!! But after being faced with starting at square one and possibly months and months of more paperwork - - - I'll take resubmitting!!
I probably won't be able to truly let my breath out that I seem to constantly be holding until they are in my arms and I am bringing them home. BUT - - your prayers have been working and I have felt them and feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many that care so much about our family. Adoptions are always full of stress and anxiety and things that can be discouraging - - Satan HATES seeing kids come into loving God fearing homes. He will do all he can to steal, kill, and destroy our joy and hope and love!
Continue to pray friends - - pray these kiddos home!! And then pray for them IN our home because those first few months are HARD!! I appreciate you all more than you know.
We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands.
~ Kristi Larson ~
~ Kristi Larson ~
Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, You didn't grow under my heart - but in it!
~ Fleur Conkling Heylinger ~