This last month has been busy with family time and end of school craziness and has actually gone by pretty fast. We found ourselves at our second (and final) home study interview last Tuesday where we were pleasantly surprised to find out that they were letting us pay our fee and join the next phase of our program! He have our home inspection tomorrow but were told our home study is pretty much complete and they are hoping to have it finalized and ready to go sometime this week!!! This means we will FINALLY be home study ready and will get to begin making inquiries and contact with social workers on siblings we are interested in.
This is such an exciting step.....BUT it is also a little overwhelming and scary at the same time. Looking over profiles and faces of sweet kids waiting for a family can be daunting and sad (to say the least). How do you ever go about choosing?? They all deserve a family and who am I to say or know if it is with us?? What I've come to realize is that I DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE! No matter how sure I am or how certain of an outcome - I don't get a say...only GOD DOES!!! If I let MY MIND wander....try to take control...try to what-if our future....it is overwhelming and feels like a lot to take in. When I remember that I have a God that loves me deeply and knows each one of my children even better than I could - a God that knew we would be in this exact place in growing our family and knows exactly how it will play out - a God that heals and restores and comforts and guides each and every aspect of our lives if we let Him - - when I remember all of that....it is like a burden lifted off of my shoulders!! I don't have to choose - or try to decide - or bear the weight of it all. It is a relief knowing that He already knows.
So - we are extremely excited to be starting this next phase of our adoption. The phase where we get to search faces and search our hearts. Where we spend a lot of time on our knees asking for peace and understanding. The phase where we trust God when hope-filled doors close and unexpected doors open. When we try to follow God's plans even amidst fears and uncertainty. We know that this phase will lead us to our children - but we also know that that path is just the beginning of a life together as a family.
I don't know where my kids are - I don't know how many there are or what their genders are. I don't know how many birthdays have passed or what makes them smile. I don't know their story or their hearts. But I do know that my God is big enough to take care of them until I can hold them and tell them that everything will be okay. I know He is with them (and always has been) and will lead them to us in His perfect timing. Until then I hope they know....
Please continue to pray for us as we venture into the next phase of our adoption. Pray for clarity and peace in following God's plans. Pray for our children's hearts as they prepare to welcome new siblings into their lives and home. Pray for our new children as they are uprooted once again to join our family. Pray that God's hand would be in it all and that His glory would shine through!