Then, unexpectedly, I get glimpses of the after. I've had the privelege to get to know some amazing mamas who have walked the journey before me. I've got to see their hearts ache while they wait for referral, the joy of passing court and meeting their babes, the agony of getting cleared through embassy to come home forever. My heart aches to walk that journey - to bring Naomi home forever. But, if I really stop and think about the realm of what that means - It brings me to my knees in paralyzed fear. Exhaustion, attachment, language barriers, potty-training(possibly), bringing her home to strange food, strange people, strange places and smells.
In about the 8th month of each of my pregnancies, I had my FREAK OUT moment. I began to feel overwhelmed with the fact that I would be in charge of another little life. I was entrusted to raise them, teach them values, guide them, lead them on the path to salvation. It is a HUGE and intimidating reality.
Each time I came to the same realization that I am concluding once again on this journey. It is a HUGE responsibilty..on my own I will MESS it up terribly...On my own I will FAIL miserably...I CANNOT do it on my own! By God's grace and His alone can I walk the journey of "Mommy" that God has blessed me with.
Unlike the paths in my past that led me to my children, this path is unknown and scary. After 3 babes, I felt like I at least knew what I was getting into and what to expect. Adoption is anything but routine and if you think you know what to expect, you are simply mistaken, naive, or lying to yourself!
On my almost 9 years of being blessed at being a "Mommy", I've learned over and over again that in my own power I fall on my face, but if I choose to fall on my face before the Maker of Heaven first, He will guide and direct, give needed love and patience, give strength and energy in place of exhaustion! So - in the first of many FREAK OUT moments to come on this journey - I will hold fast to the truth that my GOD's GOT THIS! He will guide our children to our arms, He will give us strength, He will blend our family into His plan and direction! SOOOO excited to see how God unfolds our future!
Please continue to pray for our children so very far away, for our children in our home, and for all of our hearts as we prepare to watch God bring us all together into a family!