The FREAK OUT Moment

This journey to our daughter is beyond anything that I have ever experienced and it is beyond anything that I thought it would be.  It was unexpected but God breathed.  It was unplanned but not really.  God knew all along that He was not done with our family.  My mind has been consumed with the wait for referral.  I anxiously await for the phone call that will change everything.  The phone call that will allow us to look into our daughter/children's eyes for the first time...

Then, unexpectedly, I get glimpses of the after.  I've had the privelege to get to know some amazing mamas who have walked the journey before me.  I've got to see their hearts ache while they wait for referral, the joy of passing court and meeting their babes, the agony of getting cleared through embassy to come home forever.  My heart aches to walk that journey - to bring Naomi home forever.  But, if I really stop and think about the realm of what that means - It brings me to my knees in paralyzed fear.  Exhaustion, attachment, language barriers, potty-training(possibly), bringing her home to strange food, strange people, strange places and smells.

In about the 8th month of each of my pregnancies, I had my FREAK OUT moment.  I began to feel overwhelmed with the fact that I would be in charge of another little life.  I was entrusted to raise them, teach them values, guide them, lead them on the path to salvation.  It is a HUGE and intimidating reality.

Each time I came to the same realization that I am concluding once again on this journey.  It is a HUGE responsibilty..on my own I will MESS it up terribly...On my own I will FAIL miserably...I CANNOT do it on my own!  By God's grace and His alone can I walk the journey of "Mommy" that God has blessed me with.

Unlike the paths in my past that led me to my children, this path is unknown and scary.  After 3 babes, I felt like I at least knew what I was getting into and what to expect.  Adoption is anything but routine and if you think you know what to expect, you are simply mistaken, naive, or lying to yourself!

On my almost 9 years of being blessed at being a "Mommy", I've learned over and over again that in my own power I fall on my face, but if I choose to fall on my face before the Maker of Heaven first, He will guide and direct, give needed love and patience, give strength and energy in place of exhaustion!  So - in the first of many FREAK OUT moments to come on this journey - I will hold fast to the truth that my GOD's GOT THIS!  He will guide our children to our arms, He will give us strength, He will blend our family into His plan and direction!  SOOOO excited to see how God unfolds our future!

Please continue to pray for our children so very far away, for our children in our home, and for all of our hearts as we prepare to watch God bring us all together into a family!

Cheeka the Squirrel Saw Some Nuts

My middle son Noah just turned 7 years old and has the most precious and tender heart of any little boy I have ever seen!  He is always the first to give hugs and kisses, he loves to cuddle and he thinks about others.  When we decided to adopt he was very excited and if you asked him why we were adopting he would say, "So sister can come into our family and learn how much God loves her."  Be still my heart!!  When we opened our request up to a sibling group, the other 2 were a little hesitant, not Noah!  His response was, "I hope we get lots of kids, mom!  God loves all of them and it would be fun to have lots of brothers and sisters."  Ever since he was little, Noah has shown his big heart - I have always called him my little "Love Bug".



Watching Noah blossom and grow up this year in 1st grade has been so neat!  He loves math and writing!  His latest story that came home was so sweet and true to who Noah is.  Just had to share...

Cheeka the Squirrel Saw Some Nuts
by Noah
2-1-12

Hi my name is Cheeka the squirrel.

I can't catch nuts.

So I need someone to help me.

But who?

I will need a plan.

What will I do?

I am going to have to find someone.

It is going to be hard.

This is not fun.

Oh well.

I am persistant.

This is ofall (awful).

Hi!  Alvin the Chipmunk.

Can you help me get these nuts?

I will try to help.

We will need a plan.

It is going to be hard.

What will the plan be?

hm?

Alvin climbed and climbed!

He couldn't get any higher.

What is he going to do?

So he prayed to God.

God helped Alvin and Cheeka get the nuts.

I love his BIG heart and the values that he has!  I pray nightly that God continues to grow him into a strong young man, who loves God, and has a heart for His people!

I pray nightly that God would continue to show me how to trust in His help when I need it...

...just like Cheeka did!

6 Months DTE and FULL Term!!

So - I will be the first to admit that I am NOT good at waiting!  I haven't really had to in the past either.  We have 3 beautiful home grown children who were pretty easy to come about.  The doctors first told us that we might not be able to get pregnant and if we did, it might take a LONG time to get pregnant!  Well, 2 weeks later I got real tired and nauseous and was holding a positive pregnancy test...what do doctor's know!  All 3 of our beauties came about just as easily!  We decided to have a baby....got pregnant within the month....waited our 39 weeks for our planned C-Section....and then had a healthy baby in my arms!

It is easy to say that this journey to our daughter is NOTHING like our journey to our other 3.  It is lined with lots of emotion and change and unknown and opening of our eyes and hearts.  It has been amazing so far, but not always easy!  Requesting an older child, not an infant, we expected to wait a few months but I honestly (maybe naively) didn't think we would wait as long as we have.  This last couple weeks my heart has had a heart time with the wait and I couldn't figure out why -- other than the fact that my daughter, that I have fallen soo in love with, is halfway around the world and I've never even seen her face!! 

I started counting back to the beginning of this journey, which is almost at a year now, and I realized something!  I am FULL TERM!  I am used to getting pregnant, carrying my babes to term, and then holding them in my arms and beginning our lives together!  Well, we are 6 MONTHS DTE today - but we are 10 MONTHS today from the day that we submitted our application to AWAA's Ethiopia program!!  Most women who have been pregnant know that you aren't pregnant for 9 months like everyone makes it out to be - BUT pregnancy is actually 40 Weeks - which averages out to be just shy of 10 MONTHS!!  (I know - it was a shocker to me the first time around too - my 9 months came and went and I was still prego!)

Well, the reason my heart has been aching so much lately for my daughter is that I'm FULL TERM!!  I have been "pregnant" for 10 months - I've put in my 40 weeks - I am ready to hold my babe in my arms and begin our lives together!  Unfortunately, this journey doesn't quite work the same way! 

In reality, April 19 - August 19 (Application to DTE) were like our 1st Trimester!  I was tired a lot and working hard to get all the paperwork together!  The first phase and beginning to our journey!

August 19 - current is like our 2nd Trimester!  Life goes on, physically feeling good, going about life waiting for what is to come. 

Referral to bringing her home will be the 3rd Trimester - the emotional roller coaster, the feeling of being "done" (If you've ever been pregnant you know what I am talking about), and the Labor Pains!  The pain of having to meet our sweet daughter and leave her so very far away.  The pain of waiting for other people to process paperwork to bring us together forever.

My husband said that he's thankful for how this "pregnancy" is going.  He said based on the crazy hormones that I had during actual pregnancy, this was a breeze!  I told him - Just you wait!  Wait until I've looked into the eyes of my daughter, held her tight and felt her heart beat against mine, until I have to leave her...talk about crazy hormones!

So today we are 10 Months from officially starting our journey....6 Months from officially being DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia)...??? Months(Prayerfully Hoping for WEEKS) from looking into the eyes of our daughter!  We trust that God has us on this journey....we trust that God will sustain our hearts in the wait....we trust that HE has an AMAZING plan in the works!  To GOD be the GLORY!

You're Beautiful...

Heard this song on the radio tonight and immediately thought of my BEAUTIFUL, Precious Daughter so very far away but oh so close in my heart!

Found this rendition of the music video and it reminded me that my daughter, along with millions of others, are in need of being told they are beautiful and that God loves and cares for each and every one of them!

(Don't forget to scroll to the bottom and pause the playlist)



SOMEDAY SOON

Alright!  If you haven't heard by now, I have taken the plunge....decided to do something I would never have thought possible...made the decision to push myself beyond the limit....beyond my comfort zone....I have decided to train for a half marathon!

I have an amazing partner to keep me motivated and am excited to train with her!  My hubby has been super supportive and my 8 year old son has been a great running partner!  I was hesitant to commit to this run because of my lack of follow through in the past!  I always start out super motivated and then motivation seems to dwindle as life starts getting in the way!  I can't tell you how many times I have started P90X with all intentions of completing ALL 90 days of Tony's excruciating workouts!  Have I ever completed them - NO!

This year has been different though...God has led us on an amazing journey.  He has shown us a new way to look at life....allowed us to step out of our comfort zone and make a difference...promised to walk with us along the way!  I have had the privelege of hearing from God already on my workouts.  My last post, I posted a song that came on my MP3 player as I was finishing up my run!  "Blue Sky" made a smile come across my face and I immediately thought of Naomi!  God met me there in that place and gave me peace with my running and peace with our adoption journey!

Well, I headed back out for my mile trek today and as I rounded toward home, God brought me another song that touched my heart and gave me hope!  God gave me a smile, in the midst of my run, and I would be lying if there wasn't a little tear of anticipation in the corner of my eye as I ached for our day to truly come SOON!

Scroll down and push pause on the playlist and enjoy!

Won't ever get tired of Francesca - Love her!!



Blue Sky

While running with my oldest this evening....listening to my MP3 player.....a song came on that made me think of my sweet daughter so VERY far away!  As I listened to the lyrics, I wanted more than ANYTHING for her to know that I am here for her, loving her and that there will be brighter days ahead! 

The song that struck my heart this evening is called "Blue Sky".  I want to be this inspiration for my daughter, and I rest in the peace that I have this love from my Heavenly Father! 

 Peace beyond measure - light at the end of the tunnel - blue sky at the end of the storm!

Scroll to the bottom of the page and pause the playlist - read over the lyrics while you listen to the video! 

I hope this encourages some of you today, like it did me!