Ever since we started down this path of adding on to our family - my mind and heart has been CONSUMED with the change and future that is to come. I have found it hard to focus on much of anything because my mind is already busily trying to process and think through all that is going on with the adoption. During the "Paper Chasing" my mind was checking off what needed done, what documents we were still waiting on, where all the $ was going to come from, what notaries were open at what times, etc. I busied my hands and my mind with filling out forms and checking things off.
Once we became DTE I wasn't really sure what to do with myself. There was NOTHING I could do - no papers to sign, no appointments to make, no files to update. The waiting began but my mind didn't rest. Constant overanalyzing - how many families are ahead of us, what referrals were being given out, did we request the right age group, where is all the $ gonna come from - consumed my mind.
Over the last 3 1/2 months since we have been DTE, I have had a difficult time really getting into much - my mind isn't really into my work, or my church, or even Christmas. I usually am the one BEGGING my husband to let me put up Christmas decorations! This year - I don't really care - I let the kids do it all and didn't even freak out when the tree wasn't perfectly centered or spaced just right. I have realized that these things have lost their flare and their meaning to me because my heart and mind isn't here - it is focused halfway across the world on a little girl that I've never even seen.
Over the last week or so, as my heart has been empty and aching for my daughter - God revealed to me the joy and blessing that is right in front of me! My kids have been super cuddly and lovey lately! They might just be sucking up because they are SUPER excited to get to travel to Ethiopia with us - but I think it has been more than that. I think God is allowing me to see the blessings that are in my life - instead of wishing away the days until we get to Naomi. Jarod even crawled up in my lap the other day and just wanted to cuddle with me and let me rub his back - this NEVER happens! Leah says, "I love you Mommy!" with a sticky kiss and a soft pat on my arm! Noah is my love bug and always has loves for his Mama!
I have heard God's still small whisper calm my heart and tell me "Be Still! Be content with where I have you. Trust me to take care of everything. I've got this." I have felt a renewed sense of purpose in my classroom as I focus on the students that I can make a difference for in the here and now. I am excited to get invested in our church family. I am excited to be content to spend the evening cuddling with my kiddos and my honey!
Am I SUPER excited to see our daughter's face for the first time? ABSOLUTELY
Will I go CRAZY, yelling and screaming, crying and rejoicing when we get to go meet her? OF COURSE!
Will I try to be content and live EACH day in the MOMENT - allowing God to use me in the HERE and NOW to make a difference for HIS glory? I WILL DO MY BEST!
We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands.
~ Kristi Larson ~
~ Kristi Larson ~
Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, You didn't grow under my heart - but in it!
~ Fleur Conkling Heylinger ~