Twins NO more!

With International adoption, a child's age is usually a little fuzzy.  With Ethiopia in general, birthdays are a little vague.  We know several families who realized once they got home that their children were actually older or younger than their paperwork stated.  With older child adoption you have to teach your children how old they are and when their birthday is - the birthday that someone at a desk picked for them at random.

When we got the boys home we had pretty good evidence that Isaiah's birth date was fairly accurate.  It became pretty apparent in those first few months, however, that Nahome's was not.  We had some pretty solid evidence pointing at a much younger age than his paperwork said.  Documentation that is hard to deny, when put up against some person sitting at a desk taking a shoot in the dark as to how old and when his birthday should be.  So we decided to see if we could use this evidence to move his birth date to a more appropriate age for him - developmentally, physically, maturity - it just made sense.

So - I'm writing to tell you that we received signed documentation from the judge that Nahome's new birth date has been approved.  The evidence led us to July and we chose the 7th day of the month - we liked that his birth date would be 7-7....God's number!  The kicker is that this change makes him five once again - instead of almost 7!  When we talked with Nahome about it he was a little confused....but once we told him he got to have FUN summer birthdays and he is the only kid probably anywhere that gets to have TWO six-year old birthday parties he was all smiles and giggles!!

So - we no longer have TWINS in the family - just a brother and sister who have grown so very close over the last year!  I am thankful for them and the joy they find in the little things of life!

Happy GOTCHA DAY - Bizuayehu ISAIAH!!

It seems like just yesterday that we fell in love with Isaiah in Ethiopia, but this last week we hit our ONE YEAR HOME mark!!!  A year ago I wrote THIS!  I was giddy with anticipation for our unexpected blessing to finally make it home and for our family to be together - on the same continent!  Josh traveled to Ethiopia alone and picked up Isaiah one year ago.  This year, on his gotcha day, Josh and Isaiah were spending some time together up hunting!  It has been a year full of blessings as Isaiah has joined our family and everyone has gotten used to the new normal!  I cannot believe how far we have come and cannot imagine my life without Isaiah in our family!  He seemed so quiet and timid when we first met him...

He quickly became part of the family!

He started his new adventure on his first airplane ride!

Isaiah has grown so much this year!  He is 3 1/2 inches taller and 16 pounds heavier than the scrawny little boy that walked into our lives a year ago!  His English is amazing and he has made HUGE gains in school!  We are so blessed by him and his heart for others!  We have had a lot of fun this last year....here are some pics to show the joy that he brings to our lives!

He made lifelong friends so very quickly!

He had a blast learning and participating in sports for the first time!

We spent a lot of time outdoors this summer!

Blessed beyond measure to be the family that God led us to be!!!

Crazy Busy - Every Day Life

It used to be so easy to sit and write - maybe it was the fact that I only had 3 kids and now I have 5....maybe it was the fact that I was in the waiting and yearning to connect with anyone who would listen....maybe it was the fact that blogging kept my emotions in check and it truly was my therapy.  Now that we have our crazy busy life with five kids - I often think that I should blog.  I am always stuck with the same dilemma - what do I write about??  For almost two years along our adoption journey it was easy to pour my heart out in the wait.  To give updates and prayer requests.  But now - our life is just Crazy Busy Every Day Life.  Nothing special - nothing miraculous - it just is.  I always want my blogging to have a message or to touch someone somewhere - so I'm going to do my best to update you all about our crazy busy every day life while trying to share with you about what I have learned along the way.

* I have learned that parenting FIVE kids is CRAZY!  Lots of people say that after three it really isn't that hard to add more.  Well, I have to tell you that it has been a journey this last year getting used to all the adding - adding up more groceries, more laundry, more homework, more ER visits - it IS CRAZY!  But we've also got to add up more hugs, more giggles, more memories!

* I have learned that when you have FIVE kids - there will ALWAYS be someone MAD about something!  They may be ticked at you, another sibling, or just ticked at life in general!  And guess what - IT IS OKAY!!!!  It is NOT my job as mom to make everyone feel all warm and cozy inside all the time!  It is my job to raise up a few young men and a sweet little girl who can work through problems, who have conflict/resolution skills, who can handle disappointments, and who know what consequences for their actions feel like.

* I have learned that having FIVE kids is EXHAUSTING!  There is not a day that goes by that I feel energized at the end of the day - most days I am truly and deeply exhausted!  Some days it is just physical - and others it is emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually!  Being a mom is no easy feat and it is not for the faint of heart.  Don't get me wrong - it is ENTIRELY worth it - but it is exhausting!

* I have learned that parenting kids from Hard Places is Hard Stuff!  I have shed tears for and with broken little boys who do not know why or how life turned out the way it has.  I have been told hurtful things - emotions directed my way because that is the only way they know how to deal with the loss.  I have learned to hear the grief and hurt and not to take it to heart.  I have learned to show love and grace in the midst of the storm.

* I have learned that with heartache comes healing!  I have watched all FIVE of my children struggle to find their place in our family over this last year.  I have watched all five of them grieve how life used to be.  We walked through crazy months of bickering and fist fights - through tears and deep sighs.  As everyone found their place and God worked in our family, I got to watch my children discover new best friends.  I got to watch brothers bonding with brothers and littles giggling and playing!  I am amazed at the unity in my kids these days and I am reminded of how far we have come - and I'm thankful!

* I have learned that I am nothing on my own!  It takes a team to parent FIVE kiddos and I am SO very thankful for my husband!  Beyond that - I am SO very thankful for a loving Father who walks with me daily and gives me patience and love for those around me!  It is easy to get caught up in the day to day Crazy Busy Every Day life  - to try to lead and control and take care of things myself.  It is about this time that I fall flat on my face and God is always there to help me back up...reminding me that I am NOTHING apart from Him.

~ I have learned a lot over the last year as we have started our lives as a Family of SEVEN!  The biggest thing that I think I have learned is that life is not a destination...it is a journey!  There is NO ARRIVING....just carrying on!  And on THIS journey - the one we are CHOOSING to follow - we KNOW who is LEADING....we are THANKFUL for HIS leading!  We may be CRAZY BUSY in our Every Day Life but we will continue to FOLLOW HIS STEPS....will you?

Happy GOTCHA Day Nahome - One Year HOME!!

A year ago tonight I wrote this POST!!  It was a whirlwind of a day as we picked up Nahome from the orphanage, presented ourselves to the US embassy and finalized our adoption of him, met with Nahome's mom, reunited with Isaiah, and returned to our guest house with little man in hand to begin getting our lives together!  It feels like FOREVER ago since we walked through that door to our room with an overwhelmed and unsure little boy!

He was So little and fragile...but full of spunk and life!

His whole world was changing!

Our honeymoon period lasted only a couple days until the scared little boy made it known!  Those many families who were in Ethiopia probably remember the screaming and yelling resonating through the guest house and every restaurant that we went to.  A few days in as I held him on the steps of yet another restaurant as he cried and I cried as he threw another fit - screaming with his every being that he didn't understand what was happening to him - why his world was changing - and fearing what was to come - I rocked him and cried hoping to take the fear and uncertainty away!  The hard days only lasted about three weeks after getting home - they were HARD and TRYING but necessary for his healing - and after talking with LOTS of other adoptive mama's it was short lived!  Three weeks.....twenty-one days....of hard....of grieving....in the realm of eternity...in the scope of his lifetime....it was a blink of an eye!  Adoption is hard and messy - but SO worth it!  Adopting older kids can be scary and frightening of what trauma they will come with - - but it is oh SO worth it!

(Still cannot get over how little he was!)

Nahome has grown leaps and bounds - in mind and in spirit, in body and in heart!  He has gained EIGHT pounds and grown FIVE inches since arriving home one year ago!  He has grown two pant sizes and grown into a big boy bike!  His smile has developed from an unsure giggle to a true and heart felt joy.  He is love and joy and we are blessed and thankful to have spent the last year with him!  We look forward to SO many more years looking ahead!  Love you little man!

~~The PLAN~~

For anyone that knows me, you know I am a control freak and a planner!  I like to have a plan so I know what is coming - so I can brace myself.  The unknown scares me - even with little things.  When I was growing up I had to know where we were going on vacation and not just the overall theme of the trip.  I NEEDED to know where we were stopping for lunch, how long we were staying there, when we would arrive, if the hotel had a pool, what kind of breakfast they served - the ridiculous list goes on and on.  In not so funny tones - my sweet angelic Jarod has the same OBNOXIOUS need for planning and knowledge of what is to come!  I have been driving him INSANE all summer planning day trips and not telling him where we are going.  I remind him that he doesn't need to worry about it - to trust me - to not stress - that everything will be okay and work out even if he cannot see what is to come!  Mind you this only works and I only find pleasure in it because I am the one that DOES know the plan....if my husband tried this on me I would be one UNHAPPY mama!

Does this need for control - stressed beyond measure of the unknown sound familiar??  If this hits close to home you are the one nodding your head while you are reading this....you are the one that can feel your chest tighten just thinking about someone trying to surprise you with a trip somewhere that you didn't know all the ins and outs of....you understand why I put the words "NEEDED to know" in all caps above!  If you struggle with this let me tell you a little secret - there IS a cure!!

The cure is exactly what I told Jarod all summer.....I remind him that he doesn't need to worry about it - to trust me - to not stress - that everything will be okay and work out even if he cannot see what is to come!  The cure comes from the One who DOES know what is to come - the One who loves us enough to surprise us even when we don't like the unknown - the One who wants us to trust Him and not stress - the One who wants us to believe that everything will be okay.  Now this may be easy for our minds to grasp.  We have been told our entire faith journey to trust in God and lean on Him, to not worry or fret because God is in control.  But to put it into action is another story, to tell your heart and mind and soul that God really is the plan.

For me the truth came through action and obedience during our adoption journey.  God stretched me and molded me into his liking and I am so thankful that He did.  It was NOT easy and still is not - but it is worth it.  When I got married I had a one year plan - and then a five year plan - and then a ten year plan.  When I had kids I had a 3 kid plan - and then a new sister plan - and then God had plans for brothers!  When we bought our house I never planned their would be SO many new additions to the fam - chickens, kittens, goats, and kids(the baby goat kind)!  When I started teaching I had a plan to settle in and now I'm in my 6th year teaching and my 6th grade level/curriculum change!  I think I might be DONE planning....

The thing I am beginning to realize is that I can plan all I want - but GOD will do what is best for us in the end no matter what the initial plan was!  You see sometimes our plans line up with God's but often His plan pushes us beyond what our plan is for ourselves!  It is our job to trust in His guidance even when we cannot see what is ahead.  So, what's the plan???

Many people, including my daughter, have asked us when we are going to jump back into the crazy adoption world and get that sister that started us down this whole crazy journey.  Well - to be honest - the plan WAS a TWO year plan!  Two years from bringing the boys home we would start the journey to add a little more pink around here.  We are almost ONE year in and I can honestly tell you that there is NO plan!  We trust that God will lead and guide our family if and when it is HIS time!  My hubby talks about what he thinks we should look into next time for our daughter (country, age, etc.)  I just smile and shake my head - our silly planning - remember what God did last time!!  We were requesting a little sister for Leah and she got two older brothers out of the deal!  God will do whatever He sees fit - which could be scary...but worth it!  SO - our plan is to enjoy our family while God continues to work in and through us!  We trust that God's plan is all that we need - even when we cannot see it!

I had lots of plan for the kids and I over the summer and I can tell you that we have had some of the BEST times just hanging out and enjoying being together!  It has been busy and crazy but it has been refreshing to my soul to get to know each of my kids on a deeper level!  I LOVE spending time with them and it has been neat to watch them grow and develop into children who are willing to follow God's plan for their lives.  Feeling blessed to walk this journey...

"We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps."

~ Proverbs 16:9 ~

It's Our Life...

I will be the first to admit that our life is crazy!  When you ask me how we are I try to be as honest as possible - I will often say we are "Good...busy" or maybe "Busy...tired".  I get a LOT of comments on how crazy we are and how people don't know how we do it!  People with awe in their voice tell me they admire me for what our life entails and say often that they couldn't do it.  BUT there is nothing miraculous about what we do - there is no recipe to success or magic App on the smart phone that helps us be in 3 places at once or an extra patience pill to help us through the hard days.  The reality is that when people say they don't know how we do it they are absolutely right - I don't know how we do it either!  I don't know how we did Indoor soccer, basketball, wrestling, outdoor soccer, and baseball for FIVE kids ALL within the last SIX months!  I don't know how we got the kids bathed, clothed, fed, and to school with homework in hand among our crazy schedule of extracurricular activities.  I am still not sure how we make it through the day without someone killing someone else - we've had a few attempts but at the end of the day we always seem to come out united.  I'm not sure how I keep my sanity when we are in the ER every other week with some new injury.  I am not sure how we have enough strength and energy in a day to guide and direct our children to make choices that they are proud of.  The only explanation I have is that we are not in charge (THANK GOODNESS) but GOD walks and guides and directs us each and every step.

I don't know HOW we do it - but you know what - I do know WHY we do it!  When people tell me they couldn't do it I don't believe them - I don't believe them because they WOULD do it.  They are your kids - you love them and care for them - you help guide them and protect them - you lose your temper with them and you model grace - you cheer for them on the sidelines and help them with their math.  You talk deep with them and you admire them for who they are becoming.  You play with them and belly laugh with them.  You teach them the fine art of camping and smore making!  Our life gets crazy because we have FIVE blessings to consume our lives but it does not make us heroic - it just makes us that much more blessed!

A year ago this week we were in Ethiopia meeting our boys for the first time.  It was our first time all together as a family of seven.  We have had a lot of amazing times this year but we have had a lot of hard times too!  There are days full of sunshine and happiness and there are days full of heartache and tears - and you know what - that is OKAY!  Everyone is still getting used to what family looks like and how OUR family dynamic works.  Everyone is still working on finding their place and where they belong.  The amazing thing is that they DO all belong!  They are OURS - all FIVE of them - and our life is more crazy because of it but It's OUR Life and we wouldn't have it any other way!

I hope when people look at my family they see our love for our kids.  I hope they see a family striving to love God and His people.  I hope when people see us they can see through the crazy to our hearts and lives - all of us walking hand-in-hand, side-by-side to grow and love together!  I hope people can see "what we are and what our hearts beat for!"

This is OUR LIFE and the World is WATCHING!

The Love of a Mother

It is true what they say - you do not really know the deep and sensational love a mother has for her child until you have held your baby in your arms for the first time or felt them grow inside you as your belly grew beyond repair.  I remember the first time I felt Jarod kick and knew in that instant I would never be the same again.  I was sunk - falling deeply and madly in love with a little precious face that I had yet to lay eyes on.  I read about the sacrifice that God gave us when he gave us His only son - I got it in my head but never really grasped the depth in my heart.  I vividly remember watching The Passion of the Christ the Easter after Jarod was born - I was moved and heart broken.  I couldn't get the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach to go away - I was captivated not by Jesus or the disciples or the procession to the tomb - I was captivated by Mary!!  I watched Mary follow him through the city with tears in her eyes - she knew this day was coming from the very first time she felt him squirm inside of her - I wept as she mopped up his blood with rags when he had been beaten - I wept when she remembered back to when he was little and he fell and she ran to him and held him tight.  I didn't really get it - until you become a mother I don't think you do.

Three kids down and I thought I was becoming pretty good at this mom thing.  They stole my heart and I would do anything for them.  As we started down the adoption journey, I wondered where my kids were and what would bring them down the broken path of grief and loss that they would have to endure.  My heart was sunk - falling deeply and madly for a precious face that I had yet to lay eyes on.  The whole first year we were expecting to bring home a little girl and I wrote this blog post entry called Mama's Arms.  I had no idea that my prayers would be answered.  I prayed that my child would know the love of a mama!  That they would know what it felt like to be held and comforted - to feel their mama's heartbeat when she held them close.  I am SO very thankful that my boys both have mothers that LOVE them dearly!  They know how to love and be loved because of these amazing women.  Yet again - I came across another situation that you cannot prepare for - a heartache that you can try to rationalize in your head but can never fully understand the depth in your heart.  The heartache of a mother saying goodbye - the giving of her son to another - looking upon their faces for the last time.  I vividly remember the tears that streamed down my face when we had to say goodbye to the boys after our first trip to Ethiopia - Nahome was sobbing and Isaiah was close.  My heart was broken - even though I knew we'd be back within a few short weeks.  I remember even more vividly holding the hand of a young woman with tears streaming down both of our faces as she said goodbye to our son (now hers and mine)  for the last time - I remember vividly the pictures of tear stained faces as another mama held on to our son (now hers and mine) and tried to reassure him that she loved him and that it would all be okay.  It is an ache that never goes away....that will never be forgotten...

This past weekend was Mother's Day and I awoke with a lump in my throat and a sensitive heart.  I knew these women would be on my mind but I did not expect to be as emotional as I was. The craziness of our house played out as usual - the kids got up early and banged pots and pans around making me breakfast in bed - they traipsed into my room like a Thanksgiving Day parade with homemade cards and crafts they had made at school.  They smiled down at me with their toothy grins and twinkling eyes just soaking it all in.  They watched intently as I opened each and every card - full of anticipation of when I got to theirs.  With each card that I read the lump in my throat grew bigger and my heart began to ache for the mamas of our family who were not here - who were not getting breakfast in bed - or cut out crafts - or toothy grins and sticky kisses.  Each card spoke to my heart - not for myself but for her...

" If Moms were berries...I'd pick you."

"Happy Mother's Day - your the best mom."

"I thank God you are my mom."

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take."

...I think in a world that wasn't broken my boys would have picked to stay with the Mom they were meant to be with - the best mom for them - the one that wiped their first tear and calmed them when they were scared - I think in that world they would thank God for the mama who taught them how to pray and who cut their first curls.  And it is true - there is no one that can replace a mother's love.

I am thankful that my boys are home and safe and in my life - but not a day goes by that I don't think of the mamas on the other side of the world that will no longer get to look into Nahome's big brown eyes or gaze upon Isaiah's beaming smile.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about all that they are missing out on and wish so desperately that they could get a glimpse of the joy that comes from knowing my boys!  Not a day goes by that I don't pray for their safety and happiness - that they would be happy and joyful and above all else that we would get to see them again!  That my boys would be able to look into their eyes and hold them just as they once did.  I pray MORE THAN ANYTHING that these women would know LOVE - not a love that can be found on this world - but that they would know God's LOVE!  I pray one day to walk hand in hand with these women as we finish the race of this life and walk before our Savior in heaven!  I am thankful for all they have taught our boys and feel blessed to be carrying on for them - I feel that the baton has been passed and it is my job to guide and lead these boys for a while....with God's love and guidance.

We started a new Mother's Day tradition this year to honor and remember ALL of the mamas in our family. Another adoptive mama in my life had an amazing idea to plant a flower in honor of the birth moms that have become a part of our hearts.  The Calla Lilly is the national flower of Ethiopia and is absolutely beautiful.  So - we decided each year on Mother's Day we will have the boys help pick out and plant a Calla Lilly - we will pray for their moms and think of them whenever we see the beautiful blossoms.  Our lives are crazy busy so it took us a couple days after Mother's Day to get it planted and it wasn't quite the surreal experience that I had pictured in my mind - but they are beautiful - just like the mamas in our hearts!

"Children born to another mother call me 'Mom'.

The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me."

~ Jody Landers ~