I DO REMEMBER!

If any of you know me personally you know that I am TYPE A - to the letter!  I like things a certain way - I'm pretty opinionated and think my way is right - I tend to like to control things - I despise waiting and when forced to, my mind reels with all the "what-if's" and "to-do's" - I like to do things for myself and not rely on other people to complete tasks on my to-do list....as you can imagine being paper pregnant for an adoption brings out the best in all of the scenarios above!!  You'd think I would learn - - you know we have done this before!  You'd think I'd stay calm and relaxed and go with the flow.  You'd think that I would sleep at night - instead of thinking of all the things that need done, have been done, will be done, etc.  You'd think that I would expect to have to jump through paperwork hoops and their not-ideal paperwork pacing.

I do remember - VIVIDLY - the excruciatingly painful waits while our boys were halfway around the world - the waiting that seemed hard at the beginning when we were waiting on one piece of paperwork just to get started...then the waiting that made the beginning seem like a walk in the park as your heart was torn from your chest as you say goodbye and leave your child in another country until the paperwork can be finalized....the never ending checking of your phone for a phone call or email at wee hours in the night!  I DO REMEMBER!

What I guess I am missing and seeming to forget, these days, is that God took us on a journey....we were broken, shaped, molded, inspired, shattered, and awoken - - not through the paperwork but through the PROCESS and the RELATIONSHIPS that we made.  We leaned on God's hand and His timing because we had to - - it was beyond our control and thank goodness for that!  As we have started our next adoption journey I feel like I have dove in head first with a list of expectations of how it should go!  You'd think that I would have learned my lesson last time - - that it will probably end up playing out every way EXCEPT how I am expecting it to!  Thankfully I have a husband who helps keep me grounded and focused when my type A tries to take over!  Thankfully I have a God who is patient and understanding when I yet again try to take control and end up having to turn it back over to Him.

So - I'm giving up my expectations!  I am going to try and be calm...and relaxed...who knows, I might even end up going with the flow!!  (Those of you that know me very well are smiling right now and wishing me luck with that).  It is so easy to second guess everything, push for others to hop on board and see the urgency (there are orphans needing homes for goodness sake!), to predict and what-if scenarios until you are blue in the face!  But you know what - - its going to happen how it is supposed to.....when its supposed to....how its supposed to....I DO REMEMBER!  I DO trust God to guide and direct our daughter to our family!  I DO trust that He will keep her in His care until then!  I DO trust that we can grow during the process - - that we can be broken, shaped, molded, inspired, shattered, and awoken - to learn to live and love like He does!  I DO REMEMBER how hard and painful the journey was  - but I also REMEMBER how close I felt to God's will and plan for our family!  I remember being broken in every good sense of the word!  I remember having LIFE SHATTERING and HEART ALTERING moments throughout our adoption, and I expect no less from this one.  My daughter is out there (God has made that clear in the still small space of my heart)!  From here - - I will follow Him and let Him do His thing!

PLEASE CONTINUE to SUPPORT US ALONG THE WAY!!

If you'd like to support us along this process, here are some ways!
* PRAYER - - we know that we cannot do this alone!

-Pray for our daughter - wherever she is - that she would be safe and surrounded by people who care for her. 
- Pray for our children as we walk this journey - that their hearts would be prepared to embrace another child into our home.
- Pray for our paperwork as we start compiling it all - - that it will go smoothly.
- Pray that we would truly follow God's leading in searching for our daughter - that we would trust Him and His plan for our family.  ALL IN - Not Try to put GOD in a BOX!

* FINANCIAL - - A domestic adoption in no way will be as financially demanding as an international adoption.  We will however have adoption and travel expenses.  God has blessed us and we know He will continue to provide all that is needed.  If you would like to help out financially, we would simply ask for an $8 donation to support our family of EIGHT!  It is less than a movie ticket - about two cups of coffee at Starbucks - and it will change a child's life forever!  If you would like to make a donation you can do that by clicking on the PayPal link on the left of the blog.