We were told in the beginning that our wait would be in the 5-8 month range, "Probably the shorter end of that since we are requesting an older child..." Well, just this last week, the baby wait list increased once again, which now has doubled in the 7 months we have been DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia)....so I can only assume that our estimated wait would need to be doubled as well. So....I am praying for peace and for my mind to resolve to the fact that it could be closer to 10-16 months before we get to lay eyes on our sweet daughter/children.
I have begun praying, not for a referral soon, but that God would give me PEACE while I wait for His Hands to work in our lives, the lives of our children, the lives of those around us, the lives that might be touched on our journey. It never ceases to amaze me how God works and uses us, even in our imperfection. I have been blown away with friends of friends, or acquantances of family, that have heard of our journey and have offered prayer and ask often how we are and where we are on our journey. I have been reminded several times in the last week or so that this is not our journey, it is HIS. It is for HIS glory and He is not done yet. He is still working in and through our hearts, lives, hands...He is still preparing our children's hearts, lives, minds for the change that is to come. He is preparing us to be the Mama, Daddy, Brothers, Sister....that we need to be to welcome new ones into our lives, hearts, homes!
To say the least, I am scared to death of what is to come. I am scared to death of the heartache of seeing my daughter's face and not being able to hold her. I'm scared to death of embracing her and loving her, telling her we are here and will always be her family, and then having to turn around and leave her in a country so very far away. I'm scared to death that I'm not going to do the right thing or that I won't be what she needs when we get her home and launch into "attachment" and the new "normalcy" mode. Amidst the fear and the dread of the pain and tears to come, I'm so anxious and ready to begin our forever journey.
I keep telling myself that this is a few months in the realm of eternity. After this, she will be ours FOREVER.....and has always been HIS!!! Just as I want to hold her and rock her and tell her everything will be okay, I find myself crawling up into the comforting arms of my Savior and asking Him to hold me, and rock me, and tell me that everything will be okay! I've felt a tremendous peace the last few weeks that we are right where we need to be, that God's got this, it doesn't always make it easy but it does make it bearable. I can tell people are praying for my mama heart and I covet your prayers now more than ever, and then even more so for what is to come!
I keep this quote on the wallpaper of my computer where I can see it often and be reminded that my God is Mighty and His plan is PERFECT!