Crumbs in Your Sheets

Do you ever have a long and exhausting day and you cannot wait for your head to hit your pillow???  As you tuck the kids in and say bedtime prayers you can almost feel the relaxation and calm of nestling up for some much needed sleep.  The time finally comes and you crawl into bed.....to find your child has, at some point in the day, eaten a cookie in your domain and left crumbs on your nice haven of rest.  So - instead of relaxation and peace you are irritated with each little move you make as mini crumbs poke and prod your body no matter how many times you sweep them away - there's always one more crumb that finds its way to you as you roll over an hour later.

Well - - Satan is a little bit like crumbs in your sheets.  Sometime he shows up big and in your face - but more often than not he shows up as little irritations of every day living.  He likes to steal our joy and replace it with frustration and annoyance.  He likes to keep our mind occupied on things that distract us from peace and rest.  The last few weeks I feel like Satan has my number and is enjoying watching me squirm in my sheets full of crumbs.  There haven't been a lot of big in your face moments - but subtle maneuvers to steal my joy and peace.  I feel him in my head planting seeds of doubt and frustration.  He has fed that frustration with physical limitations and setbacks.  He keeps me feeling overwhelmed and anxious which steals my joy.

I don't know about you but I'm fed up with crumbs in my sheets!  I am sick of Satan thinking he has a foothold on my life and in my family.  I don't know about you but I think Satan is attacking me - the mom - the glue - the clockwork!  Do you know what else??  I think he is attacking me because he is scared of my family!  Because I think my family is pretty awesome - I think they are doing BIG things for God's Kingdom!  They love God and His people - 4 of the kids pledged their faith by getting baptized in the last few months.  I think the fact that we have pretty awesome kids and a rock star marriage had Satan worried already - - but now that we are being obedient and stepping out in faith to add some more kids to the mix -- I think it had Satan at the drawing board trying to scheme a way to muddle it all up.  I've got news for him - - if Satan thinks he can get to my family through me....he's got another thing coming!

God is my comfort and my strength and I will not believe the lies any longer.  God's direction and path are where we seek to keep our family and we will not second guess that.  My physical limitations are well within God's hand as the Great Physician.  To put it in simple terms - - HE'S GOT THIS!!!  He's got ALL of this!  He can handle my renovated messy house and make something organized and beautiful out of it - and help build sweet memories along the way.  He can handle my mind wandering and wondering and questioning and second guessing for every home study that goes out - - every no we get in return - every second of waiting to hear something (anything) on the rest - - every minute spent searching-wondering if I'm looking at a picture of my children or not.  He can handle my body - every infection and headache and every ounce of pain.  He can handle my children - and my husband - and me!

I'm sick of the crumbs and the irritations that Satan is throwing my way!  God can handle it ALL if we let Him!  So today - I choose GOD's PEACE over Satan's crumbs!!  Will you let Him handle your life - your family - your crumbs?

PROGRESS!!!!

So - almost a month ago we had our last home study interview and they let us join the waiting child program, anticipating that we would be wrapped up with our home study the following week!  Well....a long four and a half weeks later and we are FINALLY HOME STUDY READY!!!!

We got word yesterday afternoon that our home study was signed and complete - approving us for a sibling group of 2.  It has been almost 4 months since we started this process - and I'm so thankful this phase is done and ready to move forward.

SO WHAT's NEXT??
Now that our home study is complete we can begin to make inquiries on specific children that we are interested in.  We have been looking at online profiles for months now, compiling a list of possibilities for our family.  Last night I was able to start making contact on the kids on our list. If the kids are still available, they will contact our agency for a copy of our home study and if they feel we would be a good match then they will send us more information on the kids.

Looking through profiles can be overwhelming and daunting - who should we inquire on, who is a good fit, how do we know??  We rest in peace that we serve a mighty God and He knows exactly where our kids are and how and when they will make it into our family.  So - we are making contact but trusting God to lead the way.

We were told to expect the inquiry process to go fairly quickly - - being open to a sibling group, our professions, and family dynamic - - they said that case workers will be very interested in a family dynamic like ours and will probably be making contacts about additional possibilities on their case loads.

We are excited to welcome new ones into the family but there is still a lot to get ready.  We have to remodel a bedroom, get some additional furniture (bunk bed, dresser, etc), continue to prepare our hearts and home for adding in new kids who are coming with emotional scars.  So - I am thankful that we are finally to this step and we are able to move forward in the next phase.  But, I am also going to enjoy the time I have here and now in this moment.  This time of preparation of our home and our hearts is part of the process and I will enjoy it while I have it.

Please continue to pray for our family and we will continue to keep you posted on the progress of growing our family!

Moving Forward

We started this adoption journey to a sister over four years ago.  God led us to Ethiopia and back again and on to a new adoption adventure this winter.  It seems like we have been working at it forever - but we trust and know that God's plans are higher than our own and we are very excited to see what He has planned for us.  We have been working through adoption paperwork and fingerprinting, through training and interviews for the last couple of months.  My motto (and my screensaver on my phone) became...

This last month has been busy with family time and end of school craziness and has actually gone by pretty fast.  We found ourselves at our second (and final) home study interview last Tuesday where we were pleasantly surprised to find out that they were letting us pay our fee and join the next phase of our program!  He have our home inspection tomorrow but were told our home study is pretty much complete and they are hoping to have it finalized and ready to go sometime this week!!!  This means we will FINALLY be home study ready and will get to begin making inquiries and contact with social workers on siblings we are interested in.

This is such an exciting step.....BUT it is also a little overwhelming and scary at the same time.  Looking over profiles and faces of sweet kids waiting for a family can be daunting and sad (to say the least).  How do you ever go about choosing??  They all deserve a family and who am I to say or know if it is with us??  What I've come to realize is that I DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE!  No matter how sure I am or how certain of an outcome - I don't get a say...only GOD DOES!!!  If I let MY MIND wander....try to take control...try to what-if our future....it is overwhelming and feels like a lot to take in.  When I remember that I have a God that loves me deeply and knows each one of my children even better than I could - a God that knew we would be in this exact place in growing our family and knows exactly how it will play out - a God that heals and restores and comforts and guides each and every aspect of our lives if we let Him - - when I remember all of that....it is like a burden lifted off of my shoulders!!  I don't have to choose - or try to decide - or bear the weight of it all.  It is a relief knowing that He already knows.

So - we are extremely excited to be starting this next phase of our adoption.  The phase where we get to search faces and search our hearts.  Where we spend a lot of time on our knees asking for peace and understanding.  The phase where we trust God when hope-filled doors close and unexpected doors open.  When we try to follow God's plans even amidst fears and uncertainty.  We know that this phase will lead us to our children - but we also know that that path is just the beginning of a life together as a family.

I don't know where my kids are - I don't know how many there are or what their genders are.  I don't know how many birthdays have passed or what makes them smile.  I don't know their story or their hearts.  But I do know that my God is big enough to take care of them until I can hold them and tell them that everything will be okay.  I know He is with them (and always has been) and will lead them to us in His perfect timing. Until then I hope they know....

Please continue to pray for us as we venture into the next phase of our adoption.  Pray for clarity and peace in following God's plans.  Pray for our children's hearts as they prepare to welcome new siblings into their lives and home.  Pray for our new children as they are uprooted once again to join our family.  Pray that God's hand would be in it all and that His glory would shine through!

Making Progress

Life has been busy and I am thankful!  It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that we were at a stand still with our progress for our home study.  We had to wait SEVEN weeks to attend training before we were cleared to move forward with our Home Study.  I kicked and screamed and was not a happy girl.  In hind sight, these last seven weeks have been a refreshing time to focus on my children and just live life.  I love this time of year when the sun peaks out from the winter dreariness.  Everything feels vibrant and new.  During the wait I have tried to purposefully be in the moment with my kids.  To feel vibrant and new and refreshed with them as spring sets in.  What I've been able to soak in is some pretty amazing kiddos that have seemed to grow up right before my very eyes.  I focused on each of them and what makes them tick - I would catch myself staring at them and just watching their gears turn as they had conversations with each other.  They are all at such a fun age where they are really finding themselves and morphing into their own independent and strong person.

I still find myself wondering where my daughter is and I pray for her daily.  Last week, as the training approached, I was giddy and anxious.  I told my husband that it was like waiting for Christmas morning.  Honestly, I was more excited for it to come and go so that we could move on than I was for the actual content of the training.  With that said, the training was VERY GOOD!  We learned a lot and enjoyed the discussions that we had with fellow adoptive families.  We got to spend the weekend without the kids - with a dinner date and a movie included!  It was such a refreshing time for us to focus on us, where our family is, and what we feel God is leading us toward in continuing to grow our family.

If you know us at all, or followed our previous adoptions, you know that it NEVER goes how we think it will in the beginning.  God shaped and molded our hearts so much over the year and a half it took to bring our boys home, and I am so thankful!  This time around we thought it was pretty straight forward as we knew a sister was for sure in the mix this time!  We had a very familiar nudging on our hearts, however, this last weekend as we sat and listened to a 16 year old young man who had been raised in the foster system.  About halfway through our time listening to his family's story, we turned to each other with a glimmer in our eyes and we knew we were all in, whatever that might be!  We always say we are all in - - up for whatever God has planned for us - - willing to be His hands and feet in whatever way we can but He always has a way of showing us that we aren't as in as we thought we were.  A gentle whisper or nagging on the heart to trust Him - to follow Him -  to not try and control the outcomes.  It is in these moments that we are learning to listen and follow His direction.  I want to live my life with arms wide open and my heart set on God's desires for my family and my life.

So here we are on a familiar journey following God's hand in growing our family.  We realized that children separated from their siblings because families weren't willing to take them all in was unacceptable.  If Nahome or Isaiah's brothers ever came up for adoption we would not think twice about bringing them into our family.  We realized that the same should be true of our daughter!!  They have had a hard enough life without having to lose their brothers and sisters as well.  So we are going to leave it up to God.  We will see what He has planned and I am excited to sit back and watch how God orchestrates the whole thing - to His glory!

Updates:
* We completed our training this past Friday and Saturday.
* We had our first of two Home Study interviews on Monday.
* We were emailed the remaining adoption paperwork that we needed to fill out on Tuesday.
* We completed our adoption paperwork on Wednesday and mailed it in to them today (Thursday).

Looking Ahead:
* We meet with a family counselor on Monday to gather info for the home study.
* We should hear early next week when we can schedule our remaining interviews.
* I am hopeful that we will have the home study finished up around the end of the month and then we will be able to begin making inquiries on children that are waiting for families.

Be Praying For:
* Our children in our home as they prepare for new additions.
* Our children that God has planned for our family - that they would be safe and loved and that they would not lose hope.  That we would be able to get to them in just the right timing so that the transition is as smooth as possible.
* Our marriage as we venture into another adoption - it is not for the faint of heart.  Pray that we will be cohesive and unified.  That we would lean on God and family for support.  It can get stressful and exhausting and lonely.
* Our paperwork as we work on compiling the story of who we are in our home study.
* Our hearts - that we would continue to trust God and His direction and guidance throughout every aspect of this process...from the timing to the waiting to the paperwork to the hiccups that will come.  Pray that we will see His hand and trust His plan.

I DO REMEMBER!

If any of you know me personally you know that I am TYPE A - to the letter!  I like things a certain way - I'm pretty opinionated and think my way is right - I tend to like to control things - I despise waiting and when forced to, my mind reels with all the "what-if's" and "to-do's" - I like to do things for myself and not rely on other people to complete tasks on my to-do list....as you can imagine being paper pregnant for an adoption brings out the best in all of the scenarios above!!  You'd think I would learn - - you know we have done this before!  You'd think I'd stay calm and relaxed and go with the flow.  You'd think that I would sleep at night - instead of thinking of all the things that need done, have been done, will be done, etc.  You'd think that I would expect to have to jump through paperwork hoops and their not-ideal paperwork pacing.

I do remember - VIVIDLY - the excruciatingly painful waits while our boys were halfway around the world - the waiting that seemed hard at the beginning when we were waiting on one piece of paperwork just to get started...then the waiting that made the beginning seem like a walk in the park as your heart was torn from your chest as you say goodbye and leave your child in another country until the paperwork can be finalized....the never ending checking of your phone for a phone call or email at wee hours in the night!  I DO REMEMBER!

What I guess I am missing and seeming to forget, these days, is that God took us on a journey....we were broken, shaped, molded, inspired, shattered, and awoken - - not through the paperwork but through the PROCESS and the RELATIONSHIPS that we made.  We leaned on God's hand and His timing because we had to - - it was beyond our control and thank goodness for that!  As we have started our next adoption journey I feel like I have dove in head first with a list of expectations of how it should go!  You'd think that I would have learned my lesson last time - - that it will probably end up playing out every way EXCEPT how I am expecting it to!  Thankfully I have a husband who helps keep me grounded and focused when my type A tries to take over!  Thankfully I have a God who is patient and understanding when I yet again try to take control and end up having to turn it back over to Him.

So - I'm giving up my expectations!  I am going to try and be calm...and relaxed...who knows, I might even end up going with the flow!!  (Those of you that know me very well are smiling right now and wishing me luck with that).  It is so easy to second guess everything, push for others to hop on board and see the urgency (there are orphans needing homes for goodness sake!), to predict and what-if scenarios until you are blue in the face!  But you know what - - its going to happen how it is supposed to.....when its supposed to....how its supposed to....I DO REMEMBER!  I DO trust God to guide and direct our daughter to our family!  I DO trust that He will keep her in His care until then!  I DO trust that we can grow during the process - - that we can be broken, shaped, molded, inspired, shattered, and awoken - to learn to live and love like He does!  I DO REMEMBER how hard and painful the journey was  - but I also REMEMBER how close I felt to God's will and plan for our family!  I remember being broken in every good sense of the word!  I remember having LIFE SHATTERING and HEART ALTERING moments throughout our adoption, and I expect no less from this one.  My daughter is out there (God has made that clear in the still small space of my heart)!  From here - - I will follow Him and let Him do His thing!

PLEASE CONTINUE to SUPPORT US ALONG THE WAY!!

If you'd like to support us along this process, here are some ways!
* PRAYER - - we know that we cannot do this alone!

-Pray for our daughter - wherever she is - that she would be safe and surrounded by people who care for her. 
- Pray for our children as we walk this journey - that their hearts would be prepared to embrace another child into our home.
- Pray for our paperwork as we start compiling it all - - that it will go smoothly.
- Pray that we would truly follow God's leading in searching for our daughter - that we would trust Him and His plan for our family.  ALL IN - Not Try to put GOD in a BOX!

* FINANCIAL - - A domestic adoption in no way will be as financially demanding as an international adoption.  We will however have adoption and travel expenses.  God has blessed us and we know He will continue to provide all that is needed.  If you would like to help out financially, we would simply ask for an $8 donation to support our family of EIGHT!  It is less than a movie ticket - about two cups of coffee at Starbucks - and it will change a child's life forever!  If you would like to make a donation you can do that by clicking on the PayPal link on the left of the blog.

Here We Go Again - Krohn Family of EIGHT!!

FOUR years ago over spring break, our world was changed with a simple conversation in our kitchen.  It only took a couple of week for God to take our questioning hearts and turn them into a passion for orphans worldwide.  God led us to Ethiopia to grow our family through adoption and to bring a precious little girl into our home.  As with most things in life, God had plans that were higher than our own, and we ended up bringing TWO amazing kiddos home from Ethiopia - - neither of them being a girl!  You can read about our journey to our boys HERE and HERE!

It will be three years this Spring when we stood in the orphanage courtyard in Ethiopia, surrounded by dozens of amazing little blessings that had lived through more life than they should have had to at their young age -- we looked into each others eyes and we knew we were not done.  We knew that God had chosen our family to walk this journey - not to bless a child - - but to be blessed by the children that He has and will bring into our family.

As we brought the boys home and waded through the good and bad days that make up blending and healing and getting to know new members of the family, our thoughts of adding another was on the back burner.  It became a "maybe" instead of a "some day".  As life has settled into a new normal, we have felt God softly prompting our hearts to be more like His.  His gentle nudge to look at what we can do - who can we love - how can we make a difference.  It didn't take much to know what God was asking of us.  It's the promise we made to our daughter, THREE years ago next month, when we moved forward with her new little brother....it was time for our DAUGHTER.

In typical fashion, I passionately went to work narrowing down what programs would be the best fit for our family.  We prayerfully looked into our options and allowed God to close doors.  We spent months praying and allowing God to lead us.  If we learned anything last time, we know that it will be an adventure of ups and downs - - of unexpected twists - - and of faithful obedience.

So - we are officially starting a new chapter.  Our plans (for now) are to pursue a domestic adoption here in the US. We officially kick off the process next week when we meet with our agency and start the paperwork.  We talked with the kids about it tonight and they are all excited in their own ways - - Nahome wants a brother, Noah wants to bring home two, Leah is over the moon excited to finally be getting a sister, Jarod and Isaiah are reflective and thoughtful.  As soon as we sat down to our "Family Meeting" Jarod and Noah guessed exactly what it was about....they know our family and our hearts, and everyone is excited to see what God has planned.

We know from walking this journey before that we cannot do this alone!  Adoption is one of the most emotionally exhausting things I have ever been a part of -- adoption is rooted in grief and heartache that is very real.  There will be joy and rejoicing and there will be fear and confusion.  We will need a village of support to walk this journey with us - - to encourage us along the way.

If you'd like to support us along this process, here are some ways!

* PRAYER - - we know that we cannot do this alone!  When talking with my best friend about the prospect of adopting again she said "SIX??  Wow - you sure you are sane enough for that??"  My response to her was - "NO - I know I'm not sane enough!  God doesn't ask for sane - just obedient - and He will take care of the rest."
-Pray for our daughter - wherever she is - that she would be safe and surrounded by people who care for her.
- Pray for our children as we walk this journey - that their hearts would be prepared to embrace another child into our home.
- Pray for our paperwork as we start compiling it all - - that it will go smoothly.
- Pray that we would truly follow God's leading in searching for our daughter - that we would trust Him and His plan for our family.  ALL IN - Not Try to put GOD in a BOX!

* FINANCIAL - - A domestic adoption in no way will be as financially demanding as an international adoption.  We will however have adoption and travel expenses.  God has blessed us and we know He will continue to provide all that is needed.  If you would like to help out financially, we would simply ask for an $8 donation to support our family of EIGHT!  It is less than a movie ticket - about two cups of coffee at Starbucks - and it will change a child's life forever!  If you would like to make a donation you can do that by clicking on the PayPal link on the left of the blog.

We are very excited to follow God's plan for adding a new sister to our crew!  Thanks for following our journey and supporting us along the way.  Stay tuned to see how it all plays out...

“Every night I pray to God to keep you in his arms until I can hold you in mine.” – Unknown

Family

Boy it sure has been a long time since I have written.  My blog used to be my therapy - my way to pour my heart out - my passion while waiting during our adoption.  Well - - now with a full time career and a family of 7 to care for it is not so easy to drop in front of the computer and jot my thoughts down.  It is harder to have thoughtful ideas to share with my readers - my mind seems jumbled and busy just like the rest of my life.  Thanks to a little mis-hap with my laptop I no longer had the ease to cuddle up on the couch with my thoughts to write, either.  Well - thanks to an early Christmas present I am back in business and determined to take a minute to catch up on some writing.

Well - - since I last wrote we have had a couple of milestones.  We celebrated Nahome and Isaiah's TWO YEAR Gotcha days!  It feels just like yesterday that I first took them in my arms and hugged them for the first time.  And yet it feels like they have been a part of our family forever - woven into our family dynamic.  When I look back at how far we've come I am blessed beyond measure at God's Hand in it all.

It is interesting to look back on how our family has progressed.  I vaguely remember a blur of about 5 years of diapers and crying and exhaustion - it was full of pregnancies and babies being born every other year.  The few following years were full of tantrums and cuddles and sticky fingers on the windows.  As a mom, I was still exhausted and usually covered in someone's snot but my heart was full and I felt like I was finally starting to get the hang of this whole parenting bit.

Well -God was not done with us yet - - not even close!  He wanted our obedience, our hearts, our home, our family to be willing to follow His lead.  We started down an emotional and exhausting journey to find ourselves and God's heart, while growing our family through adoption.  It is one of the HARDEST things that I have ever done, and yet I CANNOT imagine doing anything else!

There were a LOT of tears and hard days in the beginning.  It is amazing to think of how far we have come.  Weekends were hard - holidays were harder -and life was filled with fear of setting someone off and visions of all the therapy that the kids would need when they grew up.  Slowly but surely the fist fights turned into bro hugs and our family dynamic molded into our new us.

There are hard days now - days when everyone is bickering with each other - days that if I see another eye roll I'll jab my eyes out - days I watch my son whirlwind into attention seeking behaviors because of his deep rooted grief from his past - days my daughter cries and asks when will she get a sister to help fend off all the 'love' from her brothers - days my heart hurts for family across the continent that miss out on the sweet bedtime kisses and soccer goals that I get to witness in their place.

With five kids in my home and my heart I have come to realize a few things - there will always be someone mad at someone else - there will always be someone hungry - there will always be an empty fridge - there will never be an agreement on a movie - there will always be someone mad about what's for dinner - there will always be clutter and laundry strewn throughout the house (no matter how many times you tell them to pick up after themselves).....but I am also thankful that - - there will always be someone to cuddle with on the couch - there will always be someone to give me a hug when I'm having a bad day - someone always winks and says I love you when I check on them in the rear view mirror - someone's little hand always finds mine when walking in to church - someone is almost always giggling and laughing at something.

My family looks nothing like what I thought it would when I was a little girl and dreaming of my future Ken and Barbie life and boy am I thankful.  God had bigger and better plans and I love my not so little family!  I am so very excited to see how far our family has come and where He will take us next! God is not done with us yet - not even close...and boy am I thankful!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from our family to yours!

We pray this Christmas that you will take the time to reflect and remember how far God has brought you and your family.  We pray that you will consider what God has done and what He wants to do in your lives.  We pray that you will also realize that God is not done with YOU yet and that you will seek HIS will in the coming year!